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My Greatest Healing Came from Giving Birth

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    Profile photo of MamaAlana Aug 10, 2012


    Each time I walked near the veil that cushions this life, I have returned stronger, wiser, and more awake. I first felt this veil between worlds, when I was giving birth with my oldest son. I had long had an intense fear of childbirth, as I had heard so many terrifying stories of the pain and suffering associated with it. As a young woman, I had decided not to give birth… that is until I read the book Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskins. This book was a collection of birth stories from women who decided to give birth on their own and learned the ancient way of midwifery from the bodies of laboring women. This book inspired to and I began my research into gentle, conscious birth. I wrote poetry about birth, and discovered water birth.

    Later that same year, I became the Beltaine Queen, which is a role from an ancient holiday where a man and a woman represent fertility for the year and less that 2 weeks later, my partner and I became pregnant. I decided to seek out a good midwife and have the baby at home in a tub. During this time, I treated pregnancy like a university, learning everything I could about the process of creation, whole food nutrition, emotional release, and even a bit of prenatal psychology. I dove into my own birth experience through rebirthing breathwork, asking my parents what their experience had been with me, and striving to tap into my unconscious and rewrite the agreements I had made about birth that didn’t serve me.

    My pregnancy was amazing, I felt so powerful, so connected to Creator and Creation as a vessel for life itself that all insecurities about myself began to fade. I had a deep unshakable trust that my body knew what to do, that our physiological design is perfect in its ability to reproduce. I had an experienced and confident midwife who emanated such a calm certainty in the birth process that I too began to hold it in my heart, even in the midst of incredible emotional waves. During this process I found myself, the little girl inside of me grew up and my maiden began to mature. As my body changed, so did my emotional and mental perceptions, I grew on every level of my being and the more conscious I was about it, the more empowering it was. I was attuned to the 3 levels of Reiki during this time and created a bond with my guides that would aid me in the initiation to come.

    Finally the day came when my water broke. I has some fear as I walked into the unknown, the contractions, which I had begun calling rushes, came lightly preparing me for the huge waves of sensation to come. I trusted the wisdom of my body to carry me safely across the veil between worlds, the gateway of life. The waves intensified and I was nearly lost in them, if I stopped moving, dancing, or walking I began to feel I couldn’t endure anymore. There was one moment when I was laying on the massage table and my birth team had all gone into the kitchen to make some food, when the rush came and I thought I would break in half. I was terrified during the wave, but as nature’s intelligence is so wise, the waves subside and the hormones of orgasmic ecstasy are released, natural pain killers. Once the wave had subsided, I heard my inner wise woman tell me with authoritative force, that I needed to change my attitude right then and their and that if I feared the coming of the waves, I would end up in a hospital cut open. She demanded that I remember that the waves were bringing my baby to me and that I needed to embrace and welcome them when they started to come. She told me to get up and dance to the African Drumming that was playing throughout the scene. My partner and I danced, granted it was crude and archaic, but wow did it work. Never again, though the waves got stronger, did it hurt as bad as it had when I was afraid. My hormones eased the pain and brought grace to the experience. I learned to surf the waves of pain and pleasure, my awareness became my surf board, and my breath the leash that brought my board back when I fell.

    At one point during the birth, I saw my crystal singing bowl and asked my partner to play it. He did and I moaned/toned to the harmonic of it, finding that when my voice matched the sound of the bowl, my pain would ride the sound waves right out of my body. I was amazed and became a sound therapist years later as a result. When the waves of sensation were crashing back to back and there was no rest between them, my midwife invited me to sit on the birthing stool, I glanced at the alter filled with open flowers, crystals, and intention past the birth tub filled with warm water, and over to the stool. Nodding my head, I came and sat on the stool. At first I thought I would crush my baby as the sharp shards of pain shot up through my pelvis and into my womb. I reminded myself that I was safe and relaxed into the position. The pain subsided and all the sudden I had a sight I had only witnessed in my dreams appeared in my awareness, I saw in a flowing wave of consciousness the Great Mother, who carried with her all the mothers of all species who had ever given birth, all that were with me in the moment and all that would in the future. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was not alone and that even in this place where we must all swim in the sensations alone, I was one with a continuum of loving support and wisdom. My consciousness merged with that of Creation itself, the Great Mother of all.

    Once the images seen from my 3rd eye faded, I was ready to push the baby out. I got into the warm embrace of the water and the urges to push began. I spiraled my hips, moaned with the sensations, and breathed to slow the emergence of this new life, to give my skin time to stretch and open. This was the most difficult part for me, as it was active, where as the other part, all I had to do was keep afloat amidst the sensations. Now, I was having to push with all my strength, while matching the urges of my body. It felt to me like trying to push out a poop while being constipated… I would push as hard as I could, the baby would come a little bit further, then recede back up some, which gives time for the stretching and opening. After a while the baby’s head was at the gateway, and all I had to do was push through the ring of fire and he would be here. I remember the quick pain that came when his head emerged, it was not nearly as bad as I had imagined and I was deeply relieved. One more push and he was floating gently in the hands of his father in the water below and a all pervasive relaxation settled upon me as I turned to see my child. The magic of seeing him, looking in his eyes, is how I can imagine Creator would feel upon seeing the vastness of all Creation. I was filled with awe.

    The rite of passage that birth is, is greater than any vision quest, fasting, or spiritual seeking I have ever experienced. It was a time where I have touched the very fibers of life, brushed up with the realm of spirit, and come back with the greatest gift of all, new life. The healing that takes place in this realm is incredible. The child born from the waters of the womb into the waters of the world in an empowered, trauma free, loving environment begins the journey of life from a place of trust and support. These children’s foundation is one of connectivity and wellness, support and love. The parents who ride the waves of conscious birth come through the threshold of this gateway feeling strengthened, empowered, and ready for the challenges that raising children offers. Conscious Birth also deepens the bond between mother and father and cultivates a support that jells and solidifies the love between them and family as well. As we heal our birth experiences, we heal humanity. A friend of mine, who was a part of initiating the waterbirth movement in Russia, believes that if we could birth all the children of the world in this way, we could have peace and harmony on Earth in 1 generation.

    I look forward to sharing more of my healing stories with you all. Also, let me know if you are interested in me sharing more of the details of how to have a physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually healthy pregnancy.

    Much love and respect,
    Alana Bliss


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Comments:

  1. Profile photo of Zander Hathaway

    Thank you so much, Beltaine Queen Alana, for sharing this amazing healing story! Reading it brought me right there with you all the way. I can see how giving birth is such an opportunity for healing on all levels. I also now have a better understanding of the fears, challenges, joys, and many subtle and powerful sensations involved in the process, which I’m sure many women can relate to.

    I would LOVE to see more posts with your insights on pregnancy, water birthing, raising children, sound therapy… and some of your poems on this or other healing topics would be super cool! Thank you for the conclusion of how we can naturally give birth to world peace, in just one generation – love that idea! <3

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